On Constants

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“Why Buffalo Dance”  by Susan Chernak McElroy is my first constant after Saule.

It’s a small book that talks about spirituality- not in a religious sense, but in a way that makes sense to me. It takes human action and ties them to the seasons; turns the actions of animals into lessons.

The book… well, thinking about it, it’s a very small book, and it’s not the wisest book I’ve ever read. It doesn’t necessarily talk about big issues, like morality or why does death exist. What it does discuss is how to live; how one deals with loss, birth, and opportunity, and how to work with the  events in our lives.

“Why Buffalo Dance” is about cycles.

This is actually one of the few books- possibly the  only book, actually- that is so dear to me that I would feel personally slighted if someone were to say anything negative about it. See, I have read it more times than possibly any other book (except for “Harry Potter”), and I reread sections of it almost daily. For such a small book, it takes up a lot of space in my life.

The reason I bring this up is because I’ve been leaning on it quite heavily this spring. As you know, I moved to Idaho last fall, which was a big change for me. And while I’ve made a lot of new friends, and I don’t regret moving, the spring’s brought a lot of nostalgia for Washington.

It’s as if I’m finally beginning to understand what a big change I’ve made in my life, and what exactly it entails for me. I’ve never gone through a move quite this big, and it’s more than a little scary.

(Well, maybe that’s not completely true. It’s also exciting and interesting and all these other things that I can’t quite articulate.)

This is actually one of the few times that I don’t think that Saule’s really… hmm. Well, she’s listening, but I feel like she’s taken a very hands-off approach with me the last few months. I mean, I can’t be sure- I’m never sure when it comes to my invisible buddies, ha ha- but that’s what I feel. The last time I really felt her communicating, she  was telling me to pay more attention to Hathor and… Teliavelis? Or Apollo?

(I actually think that Apollo’s trying to communicate something, but I don’t know what it is, and I really, really hope there’s no deadline on me finding out. I mean, I am not good at this whole deity communication thing)

*Sighs dramatically*

I wish that I didn’t feel like I was overreacting. It’s just that everything keeps changing on me. Which might be another reason I’m leaning on “Why Buffalo Dance”- it’s something that’s remained constant for me, even with the move.

Which is nice, because beyond a few items (such as my clothes, my computer, and my bright orange backpack), almost everything has changed multiple times in the last few months.

And things are going to change again at least once more before I can actually settle down. (Which is, again, fun and exciting and scary and multiple other things that I can’t quite communicate.)

But… oh well. I’m really enjoying things, and I’m really excited about the future, even if I worry about it a lot.  And as long as I keep making goals and making progress on them, I think everything’ll be just fine.


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