So, I’m in mild panic mode right now.
I’m doing okay, but we’re in the last couple weeks of school where I am, and I’m going to be moving in August- by myself, OMG-, and there are so many things I’ve got to take care of from the very little things to the hugely BIG things that I’m terrified I’m going to drop something or be late for something or find myself stranded somewhere with nowhere to go or forget something and find myself accidentally dropping out of college. (Not that these are likely… but, you know, fear is not a logical thing.)
It’s hard to adult. I never realized exactly how terrifying it was.
I’m also a little surprised that I never hear Adult adults talk about how terrifying it is to actually move out on ones own. I mean, there’s a chance that they weren’t terrified and I’m just doing things wrong (a legitimate risk at the best of times), but I find that hard to believe.
I mean, logically, if change is terrifying for everyone, and moving out on one’s own is a form of change, then surely other people have felt this, right?
Did I mention that I’m in mild panic mode?
This is a state that I’ve been fluctuating in and out of for the last couple weeks. Which is not surprising, as, as I mentioned, it IS finals week and everything’s due.
And while a little bit of the panic, I think, is good- it keeps me moving- if there’s too much, I freeze up and huddle to myself, unable to continue with anything.
So, I’m trying to take time to breathe.
I’ve been unable to completely remove the panic, so I try to keep it limited. I take time to listen to gentle music, and I take time to read my books.
And, as you can see, I’m taking time to unleash my doubts upon my small little blog. And yes, it’s helping.
Honestly, it’s things like this that make me grateful for the rituals I do in the evenings. While it can be a pain to get into bed and THEN realize I’ve forgotten to do my prayers to Ubaste or Sobek (which happens more than I’d like to admit), I’m infinitely grateful that I make time to do so.
Prayers for me are like little moments of Timelessness. It’s almost as if everything pauses for a little bit while I’m talking at deity.
Anyway. Hopefully, after finals, things’ll cool down for a bit, and I’ll be able to take a week to chill out. I’m looking forwards to it. Prayer, songs, and blogs do help, but there’s nothing like actually relaxing to take the edge off of life.