I’m considering what devotion means for me.
Devotion, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, means something along the lines of love, piety, and loyalty. There’s a more exact meaning, but I’m far to lazy to go and write it down today.
What catches me, though, is how well the words “devotional work” fit my practice with Saule.
Every day- or, six days a week- I start the day with light exercise. I shower. I brush my teeth, shave, and get dressed in clean clothes. Then I go to the altar and leave water for Saule.
I’ve been doing this for… a little bit over a year total, and generally worshiping her for perhaps three to four years longer than that. (That’s really up for debate, though, due to things that I don’t feel like sharing here.)
I did take a period of six months or so in which I stopped leaving her water so I could flirt with Kemetism. However, that ended when I realized that She’d never left, and I’d never stopped believing that She was watching over me.
So, while I sort of still consider myself at least somewhat Kemetic, it takes a back seat to my work with Saule.
Sometimes, I wonder if I would have chosen to honor Saule the way I have. It’s not to say that I don’t love Her- I do- but I’ve always had a deep fascination for Egypt, and I sometimes wonder how it could have been if I hadn’t started out where I did. If I’d chosen to work with a deity at all, I’d probably have gone to a Kemetic god, not a Baltic one.
On the other hand, I realize that I did, do, and always will have a choice when it comes to worshiping Her. She’s not a deity that would force Herself on anyone.
Which makes me wonder… why do I continue leaving water for Her every day? Is it just habit? Is it just something that I do? Why do I choose to keep going to her?
It’s not something that I know the answer to. However… on the other hand…
Well, without wanting to sound cheesy or corny, I think She loves me.
I don’t think it’s because I give Her water, either. Or, I hope it’s not just because I give her water. I honestly don’t know why She does, and I don’t know that it’s important.
She fills a lot of my life. She’s like a mother, a friend, a confidant, and a mentor and guide all at once. She’s the cool aunt that you want to hang around all the time, and she’s the gentle woman who literally wouldn’t hurt a fly.
I think I leave water for Her every day because I enjoy connecting with her on a daily basis. I do take days off, so to speak- days in which I don’t do any prayers, libations, or otherwise- but only because I need time for myself to recharge. (I mean, there’s devotion, and then there’s fanaticism, and it’s important not to cross from the former to the latter.)
So, I guess that I’m currently quite devoted to Saule. She’s not my patron- honestly, I’ve yet to find a word that describes my relationship with Her well- but She’s my Goddess, and that warms me up inside.